Today, let’s simply laugh. We are giving here Best 18+ Very Funny Short Joke of The Day that may laugh you a lot. I don’t need anyone having a coronary failure, and this point of year roofs will be slippery and dangerous.
My late sister shrub (she had Down’s Syndrome) precious telling jokes. She carried her very little joke books around and precious to create individuals laugh. Her favorite joke was the one within the image higher than. however does one create a tissue dance? you place alittle boogie-woogie into it.
I ne’er have amazing jokes. People say, “tell American state a joke,” and my mind invariably goes blank. I’m a wit man. i prefer to create humor on the fly.
But once I’m associate degree previous fart i do know the wit won’t be as humorous because it accustomed be, and that i set i would like to start out building associate degree closet of short jokes currently that I will tell my children and grandkids and nice grandkids. Right when I die, i need to pop my eyes open all the unexpected and even as I fade out into eternity say, “bury American state thereupon music I wrote once I was younger.” They’ll say, “why?!” I’ll say, “I may yet pay my time underground mouldering.”
Okay. That wasn’t my joke. My granny Ann invariably contains a joke up her sleeve. It doesn’t matter the subject of voice communication. Last night she told U.S.A. that joke concerning Beethoven. and he or she told U.S.A. 3 or four alternative invaluable jokes over the course of the evening. and that i simply need to be like her once I’m previous. And like shrub.
So, I asked you all on my Facebook page for your Best. Short jokes. Ever. And you delivered. In fact, you delivered many posts price of them. Haha.
So thanks. i’ll currently be a funny previous man sometime. Oh, and a few of them were a leeeeettle bit naughty. Or incorrectness. or simply plain wrong. I pushed those to the last page in order that those of you WHO aren’t as “free spirited” as somebody like American state will skip them if you prefer.
Enjoy these jokes…
- Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!”
Reporter: “Name?”
Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “Sex?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
Reporter: “Oh dear!”
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”
- Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
- Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
- Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. “How do you breathe through something so small?”
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? – It gets toad away.
- Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
- Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
- There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell sausage!” Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell pancakes!” Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, “The only thing I smell is molasses.”
- A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
- Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, “Do you recall your worst day last year?” The other responds, “Yes, the day I had diarrhea!”
- A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
- Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
- A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
- You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
- Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.
- Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?
- Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
- Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.
- How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
- Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
- Teacher: “Name a bird with wings but can’t fly.”
Student: “A dead bird, sir.”
- Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
- Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
- Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
- Jerry: “I’ve eaten beef all my life and now I’m as strong as a bull.”
Paul: “That is queer. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim a stroke.”
- Teacher: What is the difference between lightning and electricity?
Alexander: I know – you do not have to pay for lightning.
- A Chinese man rings his boss, “Me no work I sick.”
Boss says, “When I’m sick, I make love with my wife. Try that.”
Two hours later the Chinese man rings back, “Me better, you got nice house.”
- The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.
One boy says: “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behaviuor. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: “Maybe an elephant!”
- Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?”
Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.”
- Two kids talking:
Polly: “Does your grandmother read the Bible?”
Elaine: “Sure does. Day and night.”
Polly: “But why does she read it so much?”
Elaine: “I guess she’s cramming for her finals.”