We are going to make you laugh and that’s why we are giving to you some best family jokes that may laugh you. So, read the following jokes and laugh yourself.
- I’m tired of my grandma! Whenever someone’s wedding comes up, she says, “Next is your turn.” So I’ve decided when someone dies I’m going to say, “Next is your turn, grandma.”
- Mother: “I’m afraid our son has decided to take up acting.”
Father: “What’s so bad about that?”
Mother: “Well, he’s gotten so big that whenever he appears in a play, he crashes right through the floor.”
Father: “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a stage he’s going through…”
- Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
“So, how do I look?”
“Well, at least you tried…”
- I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I’m working on dramatically clutching my throat when I’m told the price of anything.
- Are you a mum?
I am not a dad!
Maybe you could help me with that!
- I went to my sisters house and saw her packing a suitcase. I asked, “What’s going on?” She said, “I’m feeling homesick.” I suggested, “But you’re at your home now.” She replied, “I know. I’m sick of it!”
- A family was having dinner and the little boy said,”Dad I don’t like the
holes in the cheese!” Well son, eat the cheese and leave the holes on the
side of the plate.
- A husband and wife are eating soup. the wife spills soup all over her and says:
“Oh no, I look like a pig”
“yes and you also have soup all over you!”
- Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
- My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, “Everyone just eats it.”
- Little girl: “Why does your son say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck?'”
Mother: “Because he thinks he’s a chicken.”
Little girl: “Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?”
Mother: “Because we need the eggs.”
- What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
- Q: What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A: A receding hairline!
- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- Q: What’s the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
- Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family?
A: The Sole inbred.
- Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: Its OK. He woke up.
- When a man with nine children was asked how he handled illness among his children, he said, “When the first born coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When the last one swallowed a quarter, I told him that it was coming out of his allowance!”
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.
- Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man?
A: The rest of his family.
- Q: What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
- Q. Why did the student eat his homework?
A. His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- A man goes to see a wizard and says ‘can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago ?’ ‘Maybe,’ says the wizard, ‘if you can remember the exact words of the curse ?’ The man replies without hesitation ‘I pronounce you man and wife …’
- If I wanted to get trapped in a scary maze, I’d just go into my kid’s bedroom.
- One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place.
A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal.
Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
- Q: Why did the ink pots cry?
A: Their mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.
- Customer: Waiter, Waiter, “what’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke sir”
- Marriage is a three ring circus … engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering …
- Welcome to Twitter – if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you.
- Little Johnny returns from school and says:
“Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!”
“But I hope you are not writing them, my son.”
“No, I’m dictating them!”
- Coach: “Why are you late for the game?”
Caterpillar: “I had to put my shoes on.”
- One day a boy asked his grandpa “grandpa make a frog sound”
The grandfather asked why?
The boy said, “Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii”
- Boy asks his Gran nervously, ‘have you seen my pills … they were labeled LSD ?’
Gran replies ‘fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!’
- Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.
- Cannibal Son: Mom, I don’t like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
- Ben: “Dad, there is a hole in my shoe.”
Dad: “Yes, Ben, that’s where you put your foot.”
- A friend said to a friend
“Money makes enemies, money makes worry. So being your friend I can’t see you worry. So please send all your money to MY ACCOUNT.
- A woman was telling her friend , “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him.” Asked the friend. The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”.
- Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world?
A: Grandma of a vegan.
- Q. Why do anime fans listen to the radio in the morning?
A. Because they enjoy car toons!
- “Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction – or we return the student…”
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
- Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
- Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside.
- Q. What’s an astronaut’s favorite social media website?
A. MySpace.
- Two kids talking: “Have you noticed, if you pass your exams everyone says you get your brains from your parents, but if you fail your exams everyone says you’re stupid.”
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
- My son is an ungrateful little shit! I bought him a trampoline for Christmas, but he’d rather sit in his wheelchair and cry.
- The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?