Top Political Jokes

Top Political Jokes

1. Q: Why did President Obama get two terms?
A: Because every black man gets a longer sentence.

2
. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.

3. What’s the difference between Bush and Obama? The same one as between a retard and a mildly retarded imbecile.

4. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

5. No drug problem in Punjab
No caste problem in India
No gun problem in US
No dictator problem in N. Korea
No denial problem on this planet

6. Hillary Clinton isn’t taking the loss very well.
So I said to her, Cheer up!
At least you won’t have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

7. Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

8. The star of Cake Boss was arrested for DWI. Police interrogated him for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

9. I called Obama the other day. I said: “Obama, the people are happy with you. They are saying: ‘if not for him, we’d be where the third world is.’” Obama laughed and said: “Don’t worry about it. We’ll get there soon.”

10. My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

11. India: OMG OUR CURRENCY
US: OMG OUR ELECTIONS
UK: HOW DARE U CHANGE THE SHAPE OF TOBLERONE U BASTARDS

12. Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
“Give me your money,” he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”
“In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”

13. Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

14. The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.

15. I asked Obama: “Why did you get a Nobel Prize?” He said: “I don’t know. I’m afraid they’ll take it back.”

16. The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.

17. Debate in India:
‘You can’t do X.’
‘Why?’
‘Because the army fights on the borders to protect you.’

18. When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris’s cell phone rings.

19. When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, “Not again.”

20. What if the whole ice-bucket challenge is just a long game to bring down the Wicked Witch of the West?

21. The unreleased papers of “Edward Snowden” show the complex process by which Obama came up with his laws: he smoked a lot of pot.

22. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

23. Mamata hates CPM because they’re left.
Mamata hates BJP because they’re right.
Mamata hates the army because they’re – left right left right

24. The winner of tonight’s election is the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

25. Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

26. Boy, what a bad guy that guy is, that Vladimir Putin. Obama is really getting tough with him. Now he’s wearing a much more aggressive shade of beige.

27. After death, Obama tricks God into letting him to heaven. There, he meets “Edward Snowden”. He says to Edward: “It’s nice to see you Edward. I know you feel grateful I saved you from Russians.”

28. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

29. Irrfan: “Lets see if you can stay without saying Modi for 5 mins”
[After 3 mins]
AK: “Lagta hai ulti aane waali hai”

30. Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

31. I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

32. Dollar Tree bought Family Dollar for about $8 billion. It would have been $10 billion, but Family Dollar was dented.

33. Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

34. I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.

35. Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.

Leave a Reply